Send me your lessons

Believe me, it's NOT from lack of material that I haven't been posting lessons; I've just been "in the weeds" in my real life.

If any of YOU have had an experience that you would like to have The Glamorous Waitress turn into a lesson; please feel free to send it along to me and I will post it.

Please feel free to e-mail me at: rsg at recoveringstraightgirl dot com!

Lesson Number Ten

If you are allergic to say, fish.
It's a good idea to inquire if a restaurants Caesar salad contains say, anchovies, which incidentally are, a fish.

Lesson Number Nine

If you are from a foreign land that perhaps has different customs and/or ettiquette for certain things like, oh, I don't know, TIPPING; please take the time to understand and follow the customs of the country that you are IN.

In other words: If you are from, say, INDIA and you pay for a check for ELEVEN people at lunch and the check is $156.00, and you received EXCELLENT service; $10.00 is NOT an appropriate tip.

Just FYI.

Lesson Number Eight

If you are a teenager or the parent of a teenager who is expressing their emerging adulthood by going out with their friends for dinner before a formal dance: please keep in mind the following things for either yourself or your teenager.

1. Please use your manners. This includes NOT mumbling, LOOKING at a person when they are talking to you, saying PLEASE and THANK YOU, sitting up STRAIGHT, not talking with your mouth full or using any other rude gesture at the table.
2. There are NO free refills on virgin strawberry daiquiris, not ever, not anywhere.
3. If you are a girl; DO NOT giggle and look at your date when the server asks how you want your steak prepared. If you are old enough to go on a date, and old enough to dine out without your parents, you are old enough to know how you like your meat prepared.
4. Don't ask STUPID questions, like "are there vegetables on the salad?" Of course there are vegetables on the salad; it's a SALAD. Have you never heard of or eaten a salad before?
5. Finally and most important. A common gratuity for your server is 18-20% of the total bill. If you order appetizers, virgin drinks, two entree's for each person and rack up a bill of $126.00; DO NOT LEAVE two folded up five dollar bills wadded up under a water glass. What this does is cause the server who patiently waited on you, complimented your slutty looking dress, and chatted with you nicely, to lose money. Yes, it just COST her money because she had the pleasure of having you in her section. Out of that $10.00, she will need to pay the IRS $5.54; she will need to tip the bartender $2.50 fior those virgin strawberry daiquiris that he made, she will tip the busser/host a $1.00, and the Food Runner/Expo person $2.00. Let me tell you; your server will not be happy about this and the next time you or any of your friends come into the restaurant she will NOT want to wait on you again. She has much better things to spend a dollar on than putting up with you.

Lesson Number Seven

The Glamorous Waitress: "Hi, I'm The Glamorous Waitress, and I'll be taking care of you today. Our soups today are X and Y, our specials today are A, B, and C, for an appetizer I recommend D and E. Can I please bring you a lovely drink while you decide on lunch today?"
Customer #1: "No; we're ready to order." Looking at Customer #2... "Go ahead"
Long Pause.
Customer #2: "I think I'll have . . . , well, maybe I'll have . . . , what are you having?"
Looking at Customer #1.
Customer #1: "Well, I'm having the soup with a salad. What kind of soup do you have again?"
The Glamorous Waitress: "We have X and Y."
Long Pause.
Customer #1: "Oh. Hmmm. I'm not sure."
Long Pause.
"You don't have Z soup?"
The Glamorous Waitress: "No, we are only offering X and Y today."
Pauses.
"I would be happy to bring you something to drink and give you a minute,
(as she looks at the other four tables in her section and thinks that one of them needs some water, one is needing their check, and the other is looking like they need something...)
Customer #1: "No, it's okay, I'll decide on something; what are you having?" Looking at Customer #2.
Long Pause.
Customer #2: "I'm not sure. . .well, maybe you should give us a minute."
The Glamorous Waitress takes a deep breath.
The Glamorous Waitress: "Would you care for something to drink while you decide?"
Customer #1: "Oh, I guess I'll have some water, with a lemon."
Customer #2: "Me too."

Don't do this.
If you say you are ready to order, then please BE ready to order. Don't be impatient and then not even really know what it is you are going to have.
It wastes your servers time and energy, and causes her to be cranky.
It causes the other customers in her section to be cranky because THEIR needs aren't being met.
There is a flow to service in a nice restaurant and your server is the guide to that flow.
Follow his or her direction so that everyone can be happy and served well.
If she asks you for your drink order, don't rush it and try to place your drink appetizer, salad, entree and desert order all at the same time. You AREN'T going to get it any sooner by doing that, because that is not how it works.
When your server asks you for your drink order; give him or her your drink order.
That's it.
And know what you want before you say, "We're ready to order."

Lesson Number Six

If you are unhappy with your service, instead of waiting until the very end of the meal and complaining to the General Manager of the nice restaurant that you are dining in that your service wasn't "up to par," and that the "server seemed to have better things to do than to wait on us," and lie that you weren't offered a second cocktail; why don't you let your server know that you would like something else or something different? Most of the time, she would be happy to bring you whatever you wanted.

Perhaps she didn't coo enough over your baby.
Or chat with you enough.
Because she got sat five tables in a fifteen minute period of time that were more high maintenance than you.
But she certainly didn't "ignore" you or not provide you and your spouse every step of service.
Give her the benefit of the doubt and realize how nice (and busy,) that she is; let her know what you need if she's too busy to read your mind.
At the very least. Complain to her first. She deserves to have your feedback; not second hand through her boss who has to sit her down at the end of her shift to discuss it with her.

Lesson Number Five

A friendly, young, and not-unattractive woman who serves you is not by definition "flirting," nor is she "flirting for the pure and simple purpose of achieving the totality of your pocketbook."

I'm quite convinced that the standard rule of any business etiquette requires manners and a pleasant disposition. The same goes in the restaurant business.

This lesson brought to you by D. Nice.

Lesson Number Four

a. Your server is not necessarily going to Hell and,
b. therefore, need not be left a mini-bible instead of gratuity.

This lesson brought to you by D. Nice.

Lesson Number Three

"I'll have the meatloaf, but I don't want any of the gravy. And instead of the fresh vegetables, I'll have a side of crispy onions," (which is NOT on our menu.) "And I don't want the mashed potatoes with it, I would like french fries instead, and on my salad, I don't want any tomoatoes, or croutons, but I would like extra, extra olives and could you please have them add some fresh, sliced cucumbers on the top; and I'll have Pesto dressing on the side. I'll need some mustard and ketchup for the meatloaf."
This is what it looked like when it was rang it in for the kitchen:

House Salad
Pesto
Dressing
On Side
No
Tomatoes
No
Croutons
Add
Extra
Olives
Add
Extra
Olives
Add
Sliced
Cucumbers

Meatloaf
No Gravy
No Mashed
Sub Fries
No Veg
Sub
Crispy
Onions

This is a TRUE story. This woman eats in our restaurant all of the time and no one ever wants to wait on her because this is what she does to EVERY menu item she orders.
Plus the fact that she drinks no less than six refills of Diet Coke every time.

I'm a particular person when it comes to what I order at a restaurant; but she is RIDICULOUS.
Don't do this people.
It's a nightmare to everyone.

Lesson number Two

If you need something from me all you have to do is ask.
Don't snap your fingers at me.
Don't whistle at me.
And be nice.
Or I'll spit in your drink.